I am 31 years old, female and have 2 kids. I admit I am not where I should be in life: don’t have a driver’s license (I have a driving phobia), no career, am immature, and can’t manage my money correctly. My boyfriend of 11 years is 47 and constantly criticizes everything I do wrong in his eyes. From not loading enough dishes in the dishwasher to acting socially awkward in public. He isn’t in a good place, he doesn’t have a career and is living in low income housing. He never admits to anything he does wrong in our relationship. It’s always about me needing to fix things never him. He always calls me names such as loser or stupid. If I call him those names he flips out and kicks me out of his house. When he gets so upset over me name calling I’m like how do you think I feel when you call me names? He never has a response for that. It’s like I don’t matter. He has made me cry several times and never apologizes for it. He will see girls and say to me she’s hot and we have a pretty neighbor and he’ll say how hot she is and would like to take pictures of her naked. My feelings don’t matter to him and he has told me so. He ruined my 30th birthday by not getting up on time to take me out of town. We had a set time to get up and go and he slept in. He kicked me out and had me crying, a few hours later he was in his car and called me and said let’s go. I had to rush and get ready and was still upset. He has me going crazy, I can’t think straight, I feel like he is my supervisor. He acts like he does no wrong. I am depressed, I have lost my spark, I feel like I can barely get through the day. I was never a depressed person until about a few years ago. Is his reactions that reactions of someone fed up that I always do things wrong? Is he just mean or is he a narcissist? I read some books about narcissism and he has some of the signs.
I’m really sorry to hear about the difficulties you’re facing in your relationship.
From what you’ve described, your boyfriend’s behavior towards you appears to be disrespectful, emotionally abusive, and lacking in empathy. Constantly criticizing, name-calling, and belittling you is not healthy or normal behavior in a loving relationship. It’s concerning that he dismisses your feelings and refuses to take responsibility for his own actions. Additionally, his comments about other women and his disregard for your emotions are disrespectful and hurtful.
While it’s not possible to diagnose someone based on a description, some of the behaviors you’ve mentioned align with traits commonly associated with narcissism. Narcissistic individuals often have a grandiose sense of self-importance, lack empathy, and have an excessive need for admiration. They may manipulate and exploit others to meet their own needs while disregarding the feelings and well-being of those around them.
Regardless of whether he meets the clinical criteria for narcissistic personality disorder or not, the most important thing to focus on is your well-being and happiness. It’s crucial to prioritize your mental health and consider whether this relationship is truly beneficial for you and your children. It may be helpful to seek support from a licensed therapist or counselor who can provide you with guidance and help you explore your options.
Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and understanding in a healthy relationship. If your partner is unwilling to acknowledge the impact of his actions and make positive changes, it may be necessary to consider whether this relationship is healthy and sustainable for you in the long run.