If anyone can do the kind of abuse described here to another without having NPD or at least the tendency to be NPD, then none of what we are writing here makes sense.
At first I wondered if she had acquired narcissistic behavior from her previous partner, so she was like that towards me, but here it is said that it cannot be and that narcissism is acquired differently.
After the breakup that happened literally overnight and which is described here as “discard” (so reminiscent of the descriptions given here), and especially now after that and her behavior towards me, I had to come up with an answer to the question “What on earth happened then? “.
Here are some characteristics that were in our relationship:
1. She was the first to say she loved me even though she had a husband and children (three) at home. I was her HERO who would save her from an abusive husband.
2. Everything happened very quickly and we entered into intimate relations at her request. At her insistence, we crossed all the borders that I would never have crossed on my own.
3. She became my colleague at work and as her boss I soon provided her with a large salary, a company car and other benefits. I didn’t think at all that he was taking advantage of me with the relationship we have. She presented herself as an excellent worker (she is).
4. The expression of love and an intimate relationship with her led to intolerance. <span;>Especially intimate relationships, which were many and extraordinary. I have often wondered if this is possible.
5. She triangulated between me and her ex-husband all the time. She allegedly divorced him but was constantly in contact with him, allegedly because of the children. The two of us even clashed. She didn’t show any reactions to it.
6. Our every meeting ended with sex even though I didn’t ask her to.
7. We have never seriously discussed our future. If I started a conversation about it, she would quickly drag me to the other side. It was as if she was not present next to me. As if she didn’t listen to what I was saying (And she didn’t)
8. While she was talking to me, she never looked me in the eye.
9. She never gave a concrete answer to any of my questions and usually managed to focus the conversation on the problems she had.
10. I was becoming different and could not recognize myself. I was increasingly pressed by thoughts of her and the satisfaction of her needs. I gave her money, fed the children, bought her the things she asked for, was completely devoted to her.
11. I lost all contact with family, friends and stopped doing everything I used to do.
12. Her needs and demands became greater as the relationship progressed. She never responded to my requests (she never gave me the business numbers I asked her for) and they were so plain and simple, insignificant.
13. I had to leave my job and asked her to come with me to start a life together. She did not want to.
14. After my departure from the company, the phase of devaluation began, as stated here, and it was more and more inaccessible and distant. She kept pushing me away with some of her statements.
15. The triangulation intensified and our meetings and sex almost became rare.
16. In the end, we broke up (overnight) even though the night before she was in my arms and said she needed me for the rest of her life.
17. The day after the breakup, she returned to her ex-husband, regretting being with me and allowing me to enter her life. She regrets that she hurt her ex-husband with the divorce and that it will never happen to her again because she realized that he is her family.
18. The gossip phase is still going on. I hear her talking about how crazy I am and how she will report me to the police if I ever contact her in any way again.
19. Before I went to NC I saw that she posted pictures of them together, that he bought her a new car and that she changed her job.
20. Even though it has been 8 months since the breakup, the trauma I am going through does not stop. It is even more intense.
Now, if all this can be done by a person who is not from Cluster B, then I am really to blame for everything. Maybe I’m a narcissist, and maybe she got it all right and left me.
I wonder if it all happened as she says and we never even existed (that’s how she behaves now) for each other. That everything we went through was an illusion and that nothing happened.
So, can something like this be arranged for you by a normal person who, after a year of being in a relationship with you, realizes that he made a mistake and that he has to return to his family.
I don’t think it can…I think something is wrong here!